7/31/2012 Further Down A New Road

Today we had an appointment with the PDOC.  Now as is the normal I had my recorder going so I could share what was said with my wife and also make sure I didn't miss anything in the conversation.  Not as young as I use to be and taken one to many kicks to the head.  Now the Doctor has gotten to a point where he also writes down the medication changes for me also, just as another safety measure.  Only one problem with this.  Have you ever tried to read a doctors hand writing?  Well I finally between the scribbles on the paper and the voice recording made out what the changes were going to be and got them all loaded up on my Google Docs page where I keep up with every medication little man has ever been on.  Oh and the voice recording would help alot more if the Doctor was not so soft spoken.  Note to self get a bigger microphone for the recorder, something that will pick up the sound of a fly's wings flapping a mile away.  After all is said and done the new medication list looks like what is listed below.

7/31/12 Changes from Today’s Appointment

Tenex 1 mg 2 pill am for 8 days then see change below.
Benztropine 1 mg 2 pill am 2 pill pm
Celexa 20mg 1 pill 5pm
Stavzor 500 mg 1 pill am 2 pills pm
Geodon 40mg             1 pill midday 1 pill pm
             80mg    1pill am
60mg 1 pill pm
until 8/2/12 then see change below
Clonazepam 1mg 1 pill am 1 pill midday 2 pill pm

_________________________________________________________________

8/2/12 Start per doctors previous orders

Tenex 1 mg 2 pill am for 5 days then see change below.
Benztropine 1 mg 2 pill am 2 pill pm
Celexa 20mg 1 pill 5pm
Stavzor 500 mg 1 pill am 2 pills pm
Geodon 40mg             1 pill midday 1 pill pm
             80mg    1pill am 1 pil pm
Clonazepam 1mg 1 pill am 1 pill midday 2 pill pm


_____________________________________________________________________

8/8/12 Start per doctors previous orders

Tenex 1 mg 2 pill am 1 pill 5pm
Benztropine 1 mg 2 pill am 2 pill pm
Celexa 20mg 1 pill 5pm
Stavzor 500 mg 1 pill am 2 pills pm
Geodon 40mg             1 pill midday 1 pill pm
             80mg    1pill am 1 pill pm
Clonazepam 1mg 1 pill am 1 pill midday 2 pill pm




Now you see why I take so many extra steps to make sure I get it right.  Red lettering indicates where we are right now.  Green indicates where we are going.  And the ones you don't see that were before this were all in black.  Its like I need a pharmacy license just to keep up with the medications this boy is on.

I encourage you if you have a child who is on any medication start a log like this and as things change put notes in there beside the medications why they were changed.  It is nice to do this in Google Docs as if you have a smartphone you will have access to this information on the go.  If you end up in an situation where you need this information and don't have all the information the doctors can not make sound decisions on how to treat your child in an emergency.

He did have a pretty good day today.  He sat and waited patiently in the waiting room at the doctors office.  Talked to the doctor and only had one incident while there where he attempted to bite his oldest sister and me but was easily redirected.  All in all it was a good appointment.

This evening he did great with the only real problem being around 10pm when we tried to get him to bed.  He hit the wall and tried to come after me again once I had him restrained for just a few minutes I was able to redirect him back to the family room where he is laying on the floor in his "tent".

7/29/2012 Miserable Day

Today has been a miserable day.  Paula left for Corpus around 1130.  The bright side is the fight didn't start until later in the day.  It was a fight I was not ready for.  Somehow I managed not to get hurt or to hurt Joshua.  How anyone could do this as a single parent is beyond me.  This is enough to destroy any couple.  Much less a single parent.

I am just so tired of posting about the bad side of this situation.  When do we get our happy camper back who loves to play and smile and laugh.  No matter how hard I look to see a bright side of the current situation I just can not seem to find one.  Well I say that but,  we are all still together.

7/28/2012 Birthday Celebration

We have a few family members coming over this evening for Joshua's birthday party.  We always do his birthdays like this because of not being able to trust him around people.  So we are going to have a pizza party here at home for him and of course cake and presents.  He has been asking for birthday presents since last month and it has progressively gotten more often.  His birthday, Christmas, Halloween all last about a month for him.

Today was a nice change.  Though we walked on eggshells all day long and there were several anxious moments there were no fights as of bedtime.  Now we are not sure what the night will hold but as of right now I have not been hit, kicked or scratched today.  Hope we can continue this for the rest of the evening.

7/27/2012 Just Don't Know Anymore

Well we continue our nightly struggles with Joshua.  Tonight was a very good example of why you should work out, or have body armor.  Kicking, kneeing, hitting, scratching, trying to bite and trying to headbutt.  Ya know when I was a younger man this all would have been alot easier but now as I am getting older I see that this could be really rough on this fella.  So I was thinking of working out again.  Only thing is the only time I can do that is the middle of the night.  No way I want to do several rounds with him then hit the gym.  It just adds way to much to my plate to even attempt it.  But I could use the added stamina that comes with cardio work out.

7/26/2012 Two Rough Evenings

Joshua's aggression has shifted from morning to night time.  Shortly after his evening medications he goes crazy.  He becomes very aggressive and combatant around bed time.  The hits kicks headbutts and scratches are unrelenting.   I know his body has to be sore because our bodies are sore.  As I write this at 834 on Friday morning he is very anxious.  Wanting to get up but not being in control enough for us to get him from his bedroom to the family room.

We had our meeting to see about a residential behavior treatment program which puts us on a new waiting list.  Could be August or September before we are able to get him into that program.  I just hope we can survive that long without one of us getting seriously hurt.

7/24/2012 Twice

Well we started the day with two aggressive outburst.  Joshua is better at head butting than Junk Yard Dog from back in the old wrestling days.  He managed to catch me in my cheek bone with a head butt.  After my eyes cleared up I was ok.

Most of the day other than being very demanding he was great.  His oldest sister Jessica came for a visit and that just made his day.  He did very well the rest of the evening after the morning started off so rough.  He can be so sweet when he is in his right mind.

7/23/2012 Great Until The Last Minute

We had a wonderful day with no aggression all day.  Paula had to go to her school and pick up some things and Jordanne had to go to her school for some work with Drama Department.  Both left Joshua and Dad at home for a few hours.  We had a great time watching tv and playing and such.  It was a perfect day he and I.  Even after everyone returned we continued to have a really good day.

At around 730 the tides changed and we had one of the worse aggressive melt downs of the week.  The soreness just compounds at this point. We got him in check, medicated and he decided he wanted to go to bed.  There was absolutely no trigger for this,  that we could identify.

Tomorrow is another day.

7/22/2012 Not A Good Day

We were suppose to go over to Paula's parents house for a birthday get together.  Just them and us to keep the numbers down so Joshua would be able to handle it.  As the time drew near Joshua lost it and was not able to get himself back under control.  He put Paula on the floor as she was trying to control the feet and legs and I had the upper body since he has gone back to scratching real bad.  We struggled with him on and off for near three hours.  He has a few new bruises and we have a few new bruises.  Just another day that we had to endure on our journey.

2nd Night 1130 Melt Down 7/21/12

Well for two nights in a row not at almost exactly 113O Joshua has gone off the deep end.  Tonight's rage was worse than the one last night.  Both nights we find ourselves with him back in the living room wide awake.  Last night he did not go back to bed till after 3am.  Hope tonight is not a repeat of last night to the letter.  Another night of being up till after 3am will not do my personality any good at all.  I get really cranky when I don't get sleep.  The wife is no walk in the park either when she is sleep deprived.

7/19/2012 Great Day Part Deux

Wow I can not believe this.  Two days in a row with no aggression.  We were able to take Joshua to the pool for a little while today and get him some good exercise.  He maintained while we were there and did not get into anyone's business.  It is so nice to be able to get him out of the house for a little while and enjoy our summertime as a family.

7/18/2012 Great Day

We went the entire day with no aggressiveness.  Though we are still on pins and needles not knowing what to expect it.  It was really nice not having to restrain.  I am not as young as I use to be and he has gotten alot bigger and stronger than he use to be.  I am still sore from the previous days but feeling pretty good about yesterday.  Now if we can just continue this.  His medication still has him sleeping hard at night until about 4am or so then up for a short while normally then back to sleep.

A Calm in the Storm

After a full day of no restraints yesterday, hallelujah, Joshua was up early this morning and spent an entire hour in the living room eating a healthy breakfast!!  My heart just leaps for joy.....but, since we never know how long the good moments will last, we stay pensive and edgy, knowing that all can change in a heartbeat.  I opened my email this morning to read my Bible study, hoping to find some comfort and inspiration.  This isn't the kind of "tribulation" that most people even know about, let alone write about.  I found that today's Bible study did speak to me, so I wanted to share a portion of it:

"Richard Fuller writes: “This, Christian, is what you must do. Sometimes, like Paul, you can see neither sun nor stars, and no small tempest lies on you. Reason cannot help you. Past experiences give you no light. Only a single course is left. You must stay upon the Lord; and come what may -- winds, waves, cross seas, thunder, lightning, frowning rocks, roaring breakers -- no matter what, you must lash yourself to the helm and hold fast your confidence in God's faithfulness and his everlasting love in Christ Jesus.”

We can face every storm with confidence, knowing that God will redeem it for good. We can trust few things in this life, but God’s faithfulness is one of them. When the hard times come, and the storms roll in, trust God and hold on. He is with you.

Let’s Pray
Father, I want to thank You for Your faithfulness in my life. Forgive me when I let fear and doubt take over my heart and mind instead of choosing to trust You. Give me eyes to see the treasure buried at the heart of every storm and help me to choose joy -- even when I don’t understand what You are doing in my life. Teach me, Lord. Let my life be an illustration of Your strength perfected in my weakness.  
In Jesus’ name,
Amen."  

- Encouragement for Today, Crosswalk.com

I've been a Christian most of my life, but I find that He's continually revealing to me what it truly means to have faith.  It appears that Joshua has decided to take a nap, so I will be napping soon also, to prepare for whatever storms lay ahead.  God Bless!

7/17/2012 Not To Bad

Today was a pretty good day.  There were a couple anxious moments but he held his aggressiveness in check pretty good.  We did have a family friend drop by for a visit and dinner tonight, kinda last minute.  He was happy to see her and behaved very well.  If he keeps this up we will have visitors more.  I am writing this it is almost midnight and he is awake.  I think more because we woke him when we had to get something from his room.  Hope he goes to sleep soon.

Day Reloaded 7/16/2012

Ever see the movie "Groundhog Day"  Where it was the same day over and over and he had to relive it until he "got it right"?  Well its just noon and we have already had our first aggressiveness of the day.  So kinda like yesterday only earlier.

The rest of the day was great Joshua came out and was part of the family for most of the day.  Well that is until about 10 pm last night when it was time to get him in bed.  Normally by 830 he has been in bed for the last 4 weeks.  Not tonight.  He did not want to go to bed and the struggle to get him in bed so everyone could go to bed lasted about an hour.  I am sore and tired and don't wanna move.

Tomorrow is another day.

What A Night

This is a tale of a screwed up night of sleep.  We crawled into bed and I was asleep rather quickly after the physical challenges Joshua had presented me yesterday.  At 3am my wife woke me telling me some loud drunk fella was leaning against her car in the parking lot.  As my eyes opened I could see that there was a car parked directly out from our bedroom window with the lights on.  Now since we went to apartment living this is not uncommon for someone to pull up in that spot drop someone off and leave.  I could hear the loud drunken voices my wife was referring to.  So I look out the blinds to see if I will be needing the pistol or if its someone I know from the building.  I recognize the one fella so I figure will not be needing the pistol.  I stepped out on my patio and ask the one leaning on my car to get his ass off the car and proceed to walk toward them.  I went out and told the driver that his lights were shining right into my bedroom window and between the lights and the noise they had woke up my wife and she in turn woke me up and I don't like being woke up at 3am.  He turned the lights off and they quietened down.  They did get loud again before they all piled in and left, but at this point I was already in a mood that if I had to go back out there I may have ended up in jail.  So I lay in bed until well after 415 before every being close to sleep again.  Then Joshua started rumbling did not really see what time it was.  But next thing I know I look at the clock and its 715 and we are crawling back into bed again and Paula tells me his medication alarm is going to go off in 15 minutes.  

After pills at some point I did lay back down...UGHHHHHHHHHHH.

If Wishes Were Horses All Beggers Would Ride

I wish I could tell you that Joshua had an amazing day.  That was not the case.  Unless you consider how amazing he is at laying down a beat down.  Today was a three restraint day with dad losing blood again.  His fingernails though down below the quick from him picking at them can still draw blood.  So we call the Dr and talked about what we saw after the 5pm dose of Celexa.  Joshua is able about 15 minutes after that dose to do what he has not been able to do all day.  Come to the livingroom and spend time with his family.  He was able to watch some tv and play some games in the three and a half hours before bedtime.  So much for wishes.

Hope you all have a great night.

Day One Evening

Wow this kid has flipped a switch now and is sitting playing Wii with no issues.  He is 1 hour away from his night medications.

Night medication was successful we had three hours of a young fella who was easier to get along with.

Day One

Medications at 730 had to wake him for this.  Did not get out of bed right away.  Joshua was in the living room with us from about 845 to 945 then wanted to go back to his bed.  We know he is going to be super tired because of medications and a hospital stay takes it out of anyone.

Came out of his room a little before noon.  Fight started shortly after he came out.  Scratching swinging kicking.  Got him calmed somewhat after about 25 minutes.  He wanted to go back to his room again.  We got him in his room and sat down and he was flying out of the room with his arms in the air swinging and connecting with the screen on the big screen TV.  That TV takes a beating.  Struggle continued until near 1pm.  When once again he wanted to go to his room.  Fortunate for us as this all started wife was on the phone with the PDOC.  He advised what to give at the moment.  Not that we saw any immediate relief  but at least he too knows we are trying and doing all we can.  So Now its 1:06 and he is back in his room.  I can hear him on the monitor breathing real hard.

Stayed in his room most of the day we tried to get him to join us for him to eat around 4:15.  The fight continued until around 5pm.  At the end of the fight momma was frustrated and I was bleeding.  Joshua ended up sandwiched between the to sofas on the floor covered up hiding under blankets.  Yep we got a long hard road ahead of us.

Medication List

Joshua’s Medications as of 2/1/12

STAVZOR     500MG 1 PILL AM 2 PILLS PM
BENTROPINE  1MG 1 PILL AM 1 PILL PM
KAPVAY .1MG 2 PILLS AM
FANAPT 10MG 1 PILL AM

12MG 1 PILL 4 PM

LEXAPRO 20MG 1PILL AM

10MG 1 PILL PM

CLONAZEPAM 1MG 1 PILL AM 1 PILL PM

Hold 12 mg Fanapt today.  No am dose....for week and advise.

12 mg Fanapt for evening dose for week starting 4/27/12

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joshua’s Medications as of 4/27/12

STAVZOR     500MG 1 PILL AM 2 PILLS PM
BENTROPINE  1MG 1 PILL AM 1 PILL PM
KAPVAY .1MG 2 PILLS AM
FANAPT 12MG 1 PILL 4 PM
LEXAPRO 20MG 1PILL AM

10MG 1 PILL PM

CLONAZEPAM 1MG 1 PILL AM 1 PILL PM


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joshua’s Medications as of 5/3/12

STAVZOR      500MG 1 PILL AM 2 PILLS PM
BENZTROPINE 1MG 1 PILL AM 1 PILL PM
KAPVAY           .1 MG 1 PILL AM FOR THREE DAYS.....NO MORE AFTER 5/6/12
FANAPT            6 MG 1 PILL PM
LEXAPRO       20 MG 1 PILL AM 1 PILL PM
CLONAZEPAM   1 MG 1 PILL AM 1 PILL PM

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joshua’s Medications as of 5/11/12

STAVZOR      500MG 1 PILL AM 2 PILLS PM
BENZTROPINE 1MG 1 PILL AM 1 PILL PM
FANAPT            6 MG 1 PILL PM
LEXAPRO       20 MG 1 pill pm
CLONAZEPAM   1 MG 1 PILL AM 2 PILL PM
LITHIUM  300MG 1 PILL AM 2 PILL PM

______________________________________________________________

Joshua’s Medications as of 5/21/12

STAVZOR      500MG 1 PILL AM 2 PILLS PM
BENZTROPINE 1MG 1 PILL AM 1 PILL PM
LEXAPRO       20 MG 1 pill pm
CLONAZEPAM   1 MG 1 PILL AM 2 PILL PM
LITHIUM  300MG 1 PILL AM 2 PILL PM
Resperdal MTab 2mg 1 Pill AM
Resperdal MTab 1 mg 1 PILL PM
Benadryl 1 pill am 2 pills pm

______________________________________________________________

Joshua’s Medications as of 6/5/12

Depakote 500 MG 3 pills PM
Benadryl 1 pill am 2 pills pm

______________________________________________________________

Joshua’s Medications as of 7/13/12

as discharged from Kingwood Pines

Tenex 1 mg 1 pill am
Benztropine 1 mg 1 pill am 1 pill pm
Celexa 20mg ½ pill 5pm
Stavzor 500 mg 1 pill am 2 pills pm
Geodon 40mg 1 pill am
 60mg 1 pill pm
Clonazepam 1mg 1 pill pm

Joshua's First Night Home

Well the night was uneventful for the most part.  He did wake up at 4 and kicked his sibling out of her bed forcing her to the sofa.  Other than that there was not much sound coming through the monitor all night.  We woke him at 730 for medication and he decided about an hour and a half later to go ahead and come to the living room.  830pm to 845am a pretty good nights sleep.

Joshua Is Home

Well for better or worse Joshua is home.  The doctor wanted to keep him in longer as he was still required one on one with staff.  Which tells me he still was not stable enough to come home.  Glad to have him home but still scared to death of what we may be in for.

He was home and in the living room less than 10 minutes before we had to cover the television with a blanket and less than 5 minutes later he wanted to lay down in his bed.  20 minutes later he wanted to come out and eat.  As soon as he finished supper talked to his brother on the phone for a little while then wanted to go right back to bed.

Doesn't look like too much has changed.

Status Quo

Sorry for no updates.  Things are kind of in status quo right now.  Our visit yesterday was without aggression.  Joshua had a lot of new bruises from his day before when he was so aggressive.  I just hate that they can not seem to find the right mix of meds to even out his mood swings.  Really want him home but know he can't come home until the aggression has been addressed.

These Last Two Weeks

The last two weeks have felt like they have gone on forever.  It feels like more than two weeks.  Joshua not being home has given us a break from the rage and the restraints but the emotional side of this has not let up one bit.

We went to visit yesterday and will go again today.  Joshua had a rough day yesterday with three PRN doses for anxiety.  Seems like we are just holding status quo until Dr Ruiz gets back in town for changes.  I know if he sees him like he is now he will make some changes.  They called last night and was going to add another medication and we told them not to.  The one they were going to add Joshua had a reaction to that caused him to see things.  This is such a nasty disorder with no easy answers.

7/3/12 Phone Calls

We got two phone calls from the little fella yesterday.  We saw in the support groups where alot of the kiddos were having some real rough times yesterday.  It was no surprise to hear him kind of out out sorts as well.  He just sounded a little off.   Its amazing how you can talk to your child on the phone and know if he is having a good day or not just by the sound of his voice.

Wife Time

Paula and I are enjoying some us time here in the middle of all that is going on with Joshua.  We have never had much opportunity to exercise together.  And have not had much time to do it on our own lately either.  This morning she wanted to go get a good walk in.  Since the temps go up rather quickly these days we decided we would go for a walk indoors at the mall.  I had to keep reminding her we were there to walk as she kept stopping and looking in windows,  on the first pass anyhow.  We walked for about an hour and walked about 2 miles.  Enough to get the old ticker beating pretty good and little drops of sweat along the hairline.  It was good to get back to doing that a little.

Family Meeting 7-1-12

Today was our sit down with the therapist.  This was basically where they bring you in and ask you if you have any questions about the facility or the treatment plan.  Since we had already gotten 99% of the questions handled we spent a good deal of time with Joshua.  Now today was not as good as yesterday.  He was very tired and we believe he is crashing from the excessive time he was manic.  He needs a few days to catch up with himself physically.  If it takes a toll on us you know it has to wear him out as well.  So we are ok that he wanted to sleep more than he wanted to visit.

Come visitation time we called to check on his status and he was laying down so we came on home.

But he made at least 3 phone calls tonight to family.  He spoke with us and grandma and grandpa twice and called his Nana also.  Most of the phone calls were short and he was hard to understand because he was distracted by talking to the nurses at the nurse station but he is back to using the phone on a regular basis like he was before he went Manic.

Different Child 6-30-12 Visitation

Sorry I am so slacking on the updates been alot of stuff going on.

We went up on Saturday for visitation and bumped into Joshua's doctor on his way out of the hospital.  He was actually headed to the airport for a flight to Jamaica for a week.  He took the time to stop and talk with us for about 10 minutes regarding the treatment plans and what he was doing to cover Joshua while he was out of the country.  We have always thought alot about this doctor and consider him to be a blessing.  His heart is with these kids.

Joshua was a different child.  He had alot of his personality back and I could see a sparkle in his eye that we had not been seeing in some time.  We had a wonderful visit for the hour we were there.  I really hate such a short visitation time but I would rather have a short visit and him have positive progress than regression.

He did not give us a hard time and actually told us when he was ready for us to go.  He went back to his room and they did not have any problems with him.