10/23/12 Hard Day

Today is going to be a difficult day in our house.  Though Joshua has spent two visits in hospitals for two weeks each over the summer this will be a bit different.  This is going to be a three month stay.  I have been sick to my stomach for the last two days.  He wants to go but I am not sure he understands he will not be coming home with us.  It is just heart breaking to see him go through this but we know we can not go on like we have in the past.  Wish us luck.

10/17/12 Wow

Today started filled with a very anxious boy yelling from about 630 - 730 and having two restraints so far well it is just 730.  He seems to have started calming down after the last restraint.  Wants to hide under his blankets.  As long as he stops yelling I will be ok.  I can handle getting him something new every 5 seconds but the yelling is enough to put me over the edge.  I can see how some parents just can't handle this.  Especially if they have some of the same symptoms as the child has.  My hat is certainly off to any parent who adopts a child with bipolar disorder.  This is so hard on a parent to see your child go through and not be able to do anything about it.  We are going to have an interesting day.  All of this began over mom having to go to work.  I can only imagine what the day will hold.  We do have a schedule we do this every day.  Nothing is out of the ordinary for mom to go to work.  For some reason this morning it just go to him.

10/11/12 Crazy Night

I know my wife is going to be tired all day.  Son did not sleep well last night at all.  Its enough to make the whole house cranky when he does this up and down.  Since he did not nap yesterday I am wondering where he had the energy to be awake at all last night.

Most all of the required documents have been delivered to the residential treatment facility.  I sure hope this is what will help him get better control over his actions.  I hope they can teach us the techniques to help him.  I am not sure if he will understand everything that is going on.  It is going to be very rough on the family not having him home for so long.  He is a part of us and it is going to be hard with him being so far away.  I am very frustrated with the fact that nothing has helped for very long over the years of dealing with this disorder. Three stays in short term hospitalization.  Each being less successful it seems.  But I guess with less restraints that is positive.  Just wish the outburst he had were not as aggressive as they are.

This is just a rambling day it appears so I will stop here.  Hope you all have a wonderful day.  Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

10/10/12 Rough End Of Day

I think I may have put a jinx on the day yesterday.  He did great right up until about the time his mom gets home from work.  About 530-545 he lost his mind and went very violent.  I ended up with scratches a few hits, kicks and bites.  He ended up getting bruised in a fight that lasted about 30 minutes.  I sure miss having help when he goes off like that.  He is less likely to get hurt when there is more than one person helping control his swings.  It took all I could do to contain his violence.
Today is another day and we are going to do our best to have a great day.  I have a blanket at the ready should it not go well.  At least I can wrap him up and control his arms then all I have to worry about is headbutts.

10/9/12 Going For 4 In A Row

We have had three pretty good days looking to make it 4 today.  It has been so long since I have had a great day just Joshua and I that yesterday was a great treat for me.  He did pretty much everything I asked of him without much fuss.  It was nice to be able to enjoy being around him.   I am just hope we have more days like yesterday between now and the 23rd when he goes in for residential treatment.  I think they have a good base to work with with him and us.  Our desire is for him to live a happy life.  I know with bipolar disorder he is going to have bad days but I sure hope his good days outweigh the bad ones.

Today I have to call send some papers into the doctors office to get a few documentation wrinkles ironed out then we will be all set to go.  Then it will just be a wait till the 23rd.   I am going to miss him being home but if we can get him the help he needs and the help we need it will all be worth it.  Wish us luck, and keep us in your prayers.

Great Weekend!!

We've had a surprisingly wonderful weekend!  We took Joshua on Saturday morning to get his TB test (a requirement for his residential treatment).  He seemed a little confused about where he was going, but he was so good!   Then we went to Grandma and Grandpa's house (my parents), for the first time in months, and spent the whole day!  Bryan was helping Grandpa with some insulation in the house and it turned into quite a project.  Joshua napped for a bit in the morning, but played in the afternoon.  I know Grandma really enjoyed the day.  It was a little nerve wracking for me with their HD flat screen tv in the living room and all of their other breakables out in the open (I was exhausted when I got home).  But it went by without incident and when Josh was ready to go home, Bryan was almost done helping Grandpa.  And, despite his morning nap, he went to sleep at a good time and slept all night!  What a blessed day!

Today, Bryan needed to go help Nana (Bryan's mom) with some chores around her house.  Josh again took a short nap this morning so his sister and I got to watch a little tv.  He's generally playful and happy.  He keeps obsessing over certain things like "I want ice cream" and "Daddy home?", but he seems to stay content.  Let's hope it stays this way!  I know Daddy is getting a much needed, and well earned, break from the house today.  I'm even doing the cooking!  I hope this pleasant weekend carries over through the week.  We go back to the clinic to get Josh's TB test read tomorrow evening when I get home from work.

I'm so glad I get to have such good moments with Joshua right now!

10/4/12 How In The World

I know this blog is suppose to be more about my son and dealing with his bipolar disorder.  I know he is stuck with all this in his head and can not get away from it.  I know he has a really rough time with it and it is very hard on him.  Right now he is going through some serious issues with mom not being home and lays on the floor and hollers for her not to leave and to come home.  I know to him this is very serious.  He knows she leaves for work and comes home about the same time every day.  Its not like she does not come straight home after work.  But oh my God I can not handle this obsessing over her arrival starting at 7 am and his defiance over taking medications, or going to the bathroom.

Everyday dealing with this yelling and stuff is just draining me.  In 19 days he goes into residential treatment, though it will be hard not having him home I am actually looking forward to a break.  I am feeling guilty for feeling this way.  He does not get a break from whats going on in his head.  It is amazing how I can put my headphones on and still hear him yelling over the music.  It just adds to the headache so I avoid the music and just put up with the yelling.  I don't want to miss something he needs by having the music up so loud that I can't hear him.  And the loud music does the same as the yelling adds to my headache and my own anxious tendencies.  I feel so bad there is nothing that will console him, when he is obsessing like he does all day long.  We are into this day 3 hours and it has been non stop since he woke up at 7am.  I just don't know what to do for him any more.  He will not accept any direction.  He will not get up to eat take pills or go to the bathroom and I refuse to fight him anymore.  It is not good that all he wants to do is fight about little things.  Not sure how much more either of us can take without a mental snap.