I know this blog is suppose to be more about my son and dealing with his bipolar disorder. I know he is stuck with all this in his head and can not get away from it. I know he has a really rough time with it and it is very hard on him. Right now he is going through some serious issues with mom not being home and lays on the floor and hollers for her not to leave and to come home. I know to him this is very serious. He knows she leaves for work and comes home about the same time every day. Its not like she does not come straight home after work. But oh my God I can not handle this obsessing over her arrival starting at 7 am and his defiance over taking medications, or going to the bathroom.
Everyday dealing with this yelling and stuff is just draining me. In 19 days he goes into residential treatment, though it will be hard not having him home I am actually looking forward to a break. I am feeling guilty for feeling this way. He does not get a break from whats going on in his head. It is amazing how I can put my headphones on and still hear him yelling over the music. It just adds to the headache so I avoid the music and just put up with the yelling. I don't want to miss something he needs by having the music up so loud that I can't hear him. And the loud music does the same as the yelling adds to my headache and my own anxious tendencies. I feel so bad there is nothing that will console him, when he is obsessing like he does all day long. We are into this day 3 hours and it has been non stop since he woke up at 7am. I just don't know what to do for him any more. He will not accept any direction. He will not get up to eat take pills or go to the bathroom and I refuse to fight him anymore. It is not good that all he wants to do is fight about little things. Not sure how much more either of us can take without a mental snap.
you have every right to feel that way. when i was away taking care of my dying mother for 3 weeks, i was relieved too. we need time to recover from the things we have to deal with, we suffer at their hand and when its over for them we have to pretend right along with them that nothing happened. we do not gat a chance to recover mentally from their attacks, so dont be hard on yourself for feeling this way. understand it is a necessity. it will be ok.
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