It is now 2 am and I am doing the same thing I have done for the last several nights. Sitting at the table with a little man wide awake in the living room. There is nothing that I can do that will make him happy. He does not want me but those who have to be asleep because of their schedules. Just knowing that there is nothing I can do to make him happy makes me sad. Knowing that as the night progresses it will get worse makes me even more sad. I think of the "normal" all around us and ask myself why daily. Why were we chosen for this particular road to travel. People just on the other side of the street have no clue what we go through daily, yet people on the other side of the ocean who are reading this do know what we go through. Only another parent who has child with special needs can appreciate the words written here. At the end of the day I can only hope we were chosen to travel this road because we were the best choice for the child. But tonight I can tell you I am not in the best shape for this child. I did not rest yesterday when he did and I am paying for that tonight.
We have a call in to the doctor earlier today to see about changing the meds back to where they were prior to our last visit. Before this up all night theme came to play. This just can not continue. There has to be an end to the every night wake up screams. I did manage to sleep from 1030 till 1 am. Joshua did not fall asleep until almost 10 tonight so I thought there was a good chance he would have stayed asleep. Wishful thinking on my part.
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