It's hard to know where to start when there is so much churning in my heart. My husband has done an amazing job describing the hell we've been through over the last two weeks. Simply put...our hearts are torn apart. I use to have a quote on the wall in my office that read "Having a child is like watching your heart walk around outside your body". No one tells you what to do when every step your heart makes is excruciatingly painful! My husband was reading from entries on facebook and one person mentioned unconditional love. You don't know what unconditional love is until you've had a child with disabilities. The simple truth is - unconditional love means doing what's best for the other person, no matter the cost to yourself. You see, my son is the child I thought I'd never have. I prayed for years for this child and had actually given up hope for having a biological child of my own. The Lord blessed us with Joshua. Over the last 12 years of his life, I continued to think that God wouldn't give me this child unless He planned for me to raise him. The child of my heart. The child I longed for. I realize now that God gave me this child knowing that I would ALWAYS do what was best for him, no matter what the cost. It's so sad that we can't share our journey and our struggles with everyone because some people, although well meaning, think they know better than you. Fact is, they don't. The most supportive people in our lives are the people who listen, ask questions, and pray fervently.
I snuggled up to him in bed last night, and he let me! It was only about two minutes, but it helps to know that he knows I love him. So now we wait for him to wake up and join us for the day....praying it's a good day!
Mom
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