A friend asked this after I posted about one of Joshua's "melt downs" or rages that he had. It is a wonderful question for me to share the answer with those of you have never met Joshua or have not seen him in several years.
"Bryan, How do these attacks start and keep happening to you? What would he do if you "got away" from him went outside or locked yourself in another room? Are you getting beat because you're trying to keep him safe during his rage?"
My response:
"Either I try to keep him safe or he destroys the house and stills goes after family members. This one started when he had to go to the restroom. Joshua just like every other bipolar child is different. He has the added disadvantage of having mental impairment. He is 12 years old with the thought process of a 5-6 year old. When he goes into a rage nothing and no one is safe. Our house really is not set up with a "safe room" for him where there is no way he can not get hurt in a rage. Even if it were and I were to back away he would still come after ether me or whoever is close to him. I have a tendency of always trying to be the one who takes the brunt of it cause momma and little sister could get seriously hurt. Dad can still take a beating pretty good. But the heel to the head numerous times, because of where he was when it started and how I had to try to protect myself, takes a toll on me."
The best way for me to explain one of his rages. It's like being in a wreck. You see it coming but there is nothing you can do to avoid it. You try to reduce damages by breaking or swerving but there is nothing you can do to avoid some damages. For you to really understand how it is you would have to be here in front of him when it happens. I say this but I am here in front of him and still don't understand it. The eyes goes distant and withing seconds you are in a fight to avoid injury.
it is sometimes hard to answer these kinds of questions for people who havent experienced what we do every day. Gavin also is age delayed. by 2-3 years. ive tried to video for friends the rages. and bryan how about turning his room into the safe room where he can have his rages? can you do that so you can remove yourself? i live it too so i understand the limitations. if i could turn a room into a padded safe room i definitely would we just dont have the space.
ReplyDeleteid also make it that he couldnt open the door from the inside...
ReplyDeleteYea turning his room into a safe room is totally out of the question as we just don't have the room either.
ReplyDeleteOh, man. This is rough. People just dont understand. Its hard for them to imagine what its like, and its hard for them to imagine dealing with it. I just want to say to people, look I love my kid and this is what i will do for her. I will have chairs thrown at me and get hit and be screamed at every day if i have to because this is what has been given to me and i adore this child even if no one else can understand why. of course you suffer to keep him safe. Instead of questioning you, people should ofer to help. In any way they can. mow your lawn, bring you a cake, come sit down for a beer and let you rant and rave and vent. If people thought about it there are so many little things that can help. Maybe you could ask for one of those things. Maybe if you go to church you could ask for help there. One thing i know is i hate to ask for help, but if you ask, some people are often happy to give it. who knows. worth a shot? (Oh I have blog too, its not as bipolar focused as yours but its a definite theme. i just started up this one. its at raisingmooonbeam.com if you are ever interested)
ReplyDeleteTake care
Ridley
Oops thats raisingmoonbeam.blogspot.com. Sorry. And "Maitri" is just a pseudonym on that site, to protect my childs privacy.
ReplyDeleteRM